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Writing
COMEDY
(To the billiards room) (To the attic) (To the atrium) (To the dining room) (To the foyer)
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This Bar's Not Normally Like This
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Do We Need to Take This Outside?
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Our City's New Initiative Will End Homelessness by Calling It Something Else
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Grab a Quick Lunch at our Fast-Casual Slop Trough
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My Remote Job Gives Me the Freedom to Displace People All Over the World
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Our Company is Committed to Going 100% Carbon-Free by the Year 3000
Clips!

07:17

04:23

03:27

07:04
Pilot Scripts
Full scripts available upon request!
Layovers
When a bumbling corporate whistleblower has his passport invalidated mid-flight, he's trapped in the international terminal of a mediocre U.S. airport, unable to enter the country or leave it. As he becomes unwillingly famous, he must navigate airport staff who idolize him, resent him, or actively ignore him, especially the gate agent he's trying (and failing) to impress.
We Live in a La Quinta!
A broke single mom and her two wildly optimistic kids are forced to live long-term in a by-the-airport La Quinta Inn. As the kids turn the budget hotel into an epic playground of adventure, their mother stumbles upon an international smuggling operation running out of the back office.
It's the bleak life of Zack and Cody!
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Let's Be Bad
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Thank You For Calling 911
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Miss You, Man! Wanna Grab a Drink Sometime in the Next 30 Years?
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A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop The Nuclear Disaster
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What I Accomplished in the 12 Hours TikTok Was Banned
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My Family Always Fights Over Politics at Thanksgiving Because I Instigate Them
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Click Here to Opt Out of Selling Your Data to the Hovering Orb
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I Refuse to Consider Myself a Choking Victim
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Last Night I Dreamt All People Join Hands in Peace with My Old Gym Teacher
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I’m Tired of the Gay Penguins at the Zoo Performing Their Queerness for a Straight Audience
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Woman Can’t Figure Out Why Plant Which Evolved to Live in Borneo Rainforest Keeps Dying in Her Studio Apartment
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I LIVED IT: I Had a Faux-Marble Laptop Case
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How to Get Into Embroidery When You’re Traumatized by That Scene From Coraline Where They Sew the Kids' Mouth Shut
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Why It's Time We Start Taxing Women Who Have It All
My beloved college satire paper! I was the editor!
I wrote over 150 articles during my time at Brown. Here are some of my favorites:
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Russian Nonprofit Helps Young Girls In STEM Learn To Commit Cyberterrorism
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In Decisive Win For LGBTQ+ Community, The Unabomber Was Not Gay
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Hunter Gives Off Major Gatherer Vibes
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Word Search On Cereal Box Easy As Fuck
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Beatles Song Really Stressing That She A Little Girl
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Shitty Bible Guy Barely Begat Any Offspring
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Lab Rat Does It For The Love Of The Maze
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Drinking Alone Rebranded As Learning Mixology
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Man At Petting Zoo Worried Goat Only Likes Him For His Pellets
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Late Bear Overhibernated
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FDA Approves First Vaccine Made Of Shrunk-Down Middle School Science Class
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Opinion: Now Is The Time For Us All To Come Together And Pull My Car Out Of This Sinkhole
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Opinion: Vote. This Is The Most Important Election Of A Lifetime (by Pam Green, Organizer Of The Woodbury County Giant Pumpkin Contest
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Opinion: People Can’t See Through Corn. Here’s Why That’s A Problem. by A Vox Journalist Lost In A Maze
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Opinion: The Nation Must Prioritize The Opening Of Indoor Trampoline Parks by The Kid You Babysit
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​POINT: We Are All Made Of Stardust // COUNTERPOINT: Okay But Like, What Are We Relationship-Wise
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POINT: A Renewed Interest In Pseudoscience Is Dangerously Eroding Shared Notions Of Truth // COUNTERPOINT: You’re Such A Virgo!

Pick any book you like. Don't bend the spines.
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